Teach me how to stop .♥.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Accomplishment

today had F&N night class,
submitted my final compilation for coursework part B,
feels like putting down a burden,so nice~;D
than went to watch korean drama, (EEP!my love~)
'bread,love and dreams' the other time was watching 'will it snow for christmas'
which made me cry like mad!):
but overall was a superb drama,a little draggy though..
hahas,f&n is to catch up on drama~
but its only cos i did my work at home what!my reward is sweet~;D
anyway,today,sat all the way back so i wont disrupt anyone or have to stop watching,
but guocong and azry still came to seesee :/
haha,our whole row was playing,
wanling watched hk drama,minhsuan and michelle played ds and jingwen played civilisation3,
after syahidah finished her coursework,
we went to play boxhead 2 online,
wtf?we like died at the 2nd-3th level when red devils appear,):
awww,damn agitated..and syasya that escapist ran away and abandoned me w red devil):
grenades are the best against army of zombies~;D
this game takes the stress away manszx!
we got oreos again, thanks mdm choo~;D
than homed,laughed alot w weiming, guocong and ivan making jokes,
rofl,sometimes i wonder how they think of things like those xD

*how could i be trapped in a lie for so long w/o knowing?
isnt it completely laughable?
i guess i didnt wanna know but subconciously i alr did,
doesnt ease the pain anyway..
i want this flood of tears to be the last ones..
PS:hey s,if only you were sincere,just this once,is that too much to ask for?
what is the true you?
i dont know and i guess i'll never do,
you always hide behind that facade,
but i strongly believe you cant keep your true self inside for long,
hyprocite,i'll be waiting for the true you and your downfall*

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Did you know our school's water cooler has fishes?:O
cant see?

............
..........
........
......
...
..
.

here you go!

hahas,joke of the day by wl,
me and yiro were excited and rushed over to see when wl said it,
like "really?where where?!!"
and not only 1 fish,there were six!
hahahas,i never noticed it before,
aft giving the -.- face,we couldnt stop laughing and pranked each other!;D
it was hard keeping a straight face,
we went back to the water cooler like 3-4 times!
weiming said "arent you gonna save it?!"
and yihui got a plastic bag ready to save it,
all these happened before physics remidial,
im sooooo tired and tempted to take a nap,
but today was a fruitful day and i wanna make it more fruitful!
yeayea,like what mr lim said,2000cc man!!
mr lim's talks are really inspiring,with whamming impact,
i wish that he could nag at me everyday so i wont stop working hard,
hahas,call me crazy,but i wasnt bored when he speaked,
hope some classmates are doing well and get outta trouble,
they laughed during the talk and were funny,almost making me laugh too!;D

Sunday, July 25, 2010

havent been blogging for a whole week,
*sigh*):
been busy with school,
revolving around studies,
everyday,it would be back from school,
eat,sleep,midnight do homework and revision all the way til morning,
hmmm and maybe 2-3 hours of sleep if i finish my work early..
then its off to school and start the cycle again..
i know i shldnt take a afternoon nap,
but i cant think straight when im sleepy):

i've been stressing and stretching myself,
mdm choo and wanling both said that im too stressed out,
why?i take a very long time to sleep,
cos my heart pounds so fast that i can feel it jumping out of my chest,
i cant get my mind off studies,is what i do sufficient?it feels like it never does!
i get really bad dreams of being late for school and the occasional maths nightmare,
i'm taking studies super seriously,
why?i realised that in order to get people to respect and realise your existence,
is that one cert,that o'level cert,
i want that from my mum,to see me instead of my cousins,is that too much to ask?
i may not be as good,but at the end of the day,i want to enter the exam hall w confidence,
and come out saying i have done all that i could and give myself a pat on the head,
so i really have to push myself,cos i want this,
i want this for more than anything in the world!!
im so not gonna take the easy way out or be an escapist!>:(

only good day of last week was friday,
i gotta go eat with my favourite ppl in the world!;D
although it was a long day packed with normal curriculum,poa test,poly talks& F&N night class,
if you get me to do it again,i would..
the satisfaction of doing smth towards my goal makes me feel at ease,
and eating w my favourite ppl in the world filled w laughter
makes me feel that i would never wish for better friends ;D
only thing abt night class is that it makes me uneasy..
i could walk among a sea of ppl in the night and it still makes me feel lonely...

Monday, July 19, 2010

Surprises

Even week..Monday,
the beginning of the week again,
was supposed to have chem remedial,
but it was cancelled,only 5 ppl out of 27 turned up on time,
the rest were either late or went home,
teacher looked disappointed):
ohmanszx,i feel guilty for not turning up on sat,
i swear i definitely will not miss chem again,
even if i have to drag myself there...awww,i still feel bad):

today,
xinyao passed me the bunny bunny in the 3rd pic,
the last time we went shopping after our movie,despicable me(last fri),
i just briefly commented about how adorable it was and played w it in the store,
and she actually bought it for me and passed it to me today!
AWWWW,HOW SWEET CAN YOU GET?!
i still havent treated her to lunch lehhh,(she declined)
now i feel guilty T.T
what do you want teacher wang?!dont make me lug a big big present to sch one day!
and and and,xinyi helped me w my testimonial yesterday too,
ARE PPL WITH INITIALS XY ALL SO SWEEEEEET?!
OH MY GOSHHHH,I ♥ YOU GUYSSSS~;D
i need monehhh,so i can buy awesome things for these awesome ppl~;D
okay,im gonna start saving money~

today's epwl's birthday,
happy 19th birthday big bully~;D
i baked a cupcake for him,
well,you know,what can you buy for guys anyway?
i asked ard and no one seems to know,
not even the guys!!-.-
instead of cracking my skull to think,
i figured a sincere gift is the best,isnt it?!;D
i tried several failed attempts for cupcakes too alright?!
although imma f&n student,
still,no guarantees it's safe,i didnt follow a recipe(yikes!><)
BUT BUT BUT,i did try one cupcake luhhh,
wanna die,die together :P
anyway,went to bpp w him to get his cake,
chit chat,then homed and now im blogging!;D

wonder when's the next fire drill?
funny how teachers thought the every half an hour bell to be fire drill bell,
and very very funny how in the end all the students were blamed for it -.-
health check up tmr,
i dont like ppl touching me!!yucks!!><
and im pissed that im missing F&N,
the deadline is creeping so close for cw part B,
and cw part A is 2 weeks aft submission of cw part B!
luckily i did extensive research before hand,
but i cant stop wishing abt skipping other subjects
why cant it be..oh,i dont know,maybe English?
ya!why cant i miss english instead?!
3 boring periods,oh,can i even make it through tmr?:/

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Yesterday went out to watch despicable me,
supposed to be posting yesterday,
but had a slight fever and i didnt know it..
because i thought i was aching cos i walked ard too much at cck,
but then i had a terrible headache and sweated alot,
so i went to take my temperature,so yeap..):
took panadol and overslept..ZZZ..-.-
walao,missed chem and maths remedial!!T.T (slaps myself)
sorry syahirah my chem buddy,i promised to come):
and i hate leaving wanling alone too):
i feel so guilty im gonna dieeeeeeeee):
im so gonna make up for that with doing some practices of maths and chem!!

well,anyway,
despicable me was fantastic and awesome,
that meanie guy was mean because his mom didnt see his achievements,
and it seemed like being mean was a way of escaping,hiding his true self..
that part kinda pulled at my heartstrings...
and i feel that im a little like him too,not mean,but cold...
everyday,i feel like im just getting colder and colder,
i feel that im losing my feelings..
people fall?oh,they fall lor,in the past,i will help them out or smth,
but now?i feel that i just have to care more abt myself..
why?because when i fall,i dont see anyone helping me,i get up myself,
and well,i feel that everyone should just do so themselves too..
this mindset somehow feels wrong,but my heart doesnt listen anymore,
i dont even feel a slight pinch of pity..
anyway,i love the minions the most in the shows!
their cute language and blabberings are cuteeeeee~;D
if you have'nt seen the movie,go and catch it!!!
worth your money!!!
i dont mind if you call me for a second round okay?!!!
its totally awesome~~;D

after the movie with xinyao,
xinyi and beimin came and join us,
went ard shopping and i bought my assessment book for poa!;D
time to touch up on the topic i kinda put in the freezer,super left aside!
im broke manszx!):
im supposed to be going out again,
but poor plus sick totally ruined my mood..
omg,i still havent bought presents for july babies!):

Please take your pity away,
the way you look at me,the way you treat me and the way you talk to me,
pls take it all away,
i dont need pity,why cant you understand?!
dont you know your acts of pity makes me hate you more?
just leave me alone,
dont you know the happy family picture you show me hurts?
dont say things you dont mean..
stop giving me false hopes,
you dont know how much i believe in them and get hurt over and over again,
its absurd,the things you ask from me...
lonely?does that word even exist in her dictionary?
am i fool?someone you fall back on when you need and thrown when you dont?
i rather be left alone,pls,before i go mad...

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Potato crazeeeee!

Raw potato,boiled potato,baked potato,microwaved potato!;D
i forgot i wasnt supposed to swallow raw potato cos its poisonous-.-,
gosh i swallowed alot cos i cant think of stuffs to write for it):
smells like...CARROT,taste like...idk,go try on your own!;D
there was a stupid housefly,of all my samples,you like the raw potato?!
omg,your senses must be failing youuuuuu!!!!(this is randommmm)
took home the samples,
am not gonna eat it again soon,i think i can go 5 mths(?) w/o it,
infact,i feel as if i never wanna see it again,
sick man,potato fever!!!!!>:(
i found out today if you did smth for someone,
its reciprocal,well,unless that human is an asshole,
but still,that was unexpected and it felt nice and warm inside,
probably because everyone seems to live their own lives w/o a care for others,
this is such a cold society that it is hard to find nice people anymore,
and i,i feel that i am becoming that kind of cold person):

after practical,rushed home for tuition,
i like maths tuition these days,
my tuition teacher helps to build up my self esteem,
whenever i want to give up,her words rush into me brains,
and i just know i have to keep going and success!
i finished maths paper 2,some practice qns and i'm gonna do 10 yr series!
am gonna start those prelim papers of other school she gave me!:D
and no,i do not let praises rush into my head and become mad proud,
im not good enough for that yet!
(haha,kidding!although i know i can be such an asshole sometimes,
well its cos im not good in many things!allow me to have my short joy luhhh:P)
and well,people these days dont carry around praises,
and i do like to be praised once in a while,i mean who doesnt?!;D
i'm not stupid,just careless,just careless,just careless,JUST CARELESS,
keep telling me that and i'll believe it sooner or later(:

watched melrose place,
nice show mansxzzz!
one part i saw was:
Lauren:"happy birthday elle!" *takes small cupcake with candles*
Elle:"ahahah,you know i dont play the wishing game,i want something,i go out and get it"
*Uses fingers to scoop cream and lick it in slow motion*
isnt this line like giving off cool attitude vibes?!
admire the self confidence,so coool,EEEP!:P
the show is about scandals,murder and making use of people,
wow,i guess thats how realistic it is,
no matter what,people will do anything to get what they want,
and no one is safe as long as they continue living!
cos people will go through whatever means to get you down,
how scary,but thats life,you have to live with lies,
its whether if you can see through those woven lies..

going out tmr,
hmmm,eclipse or despicable me?
ohgosh,im wavering and stuck!!!):

Sunday, July 11, 2010

im losing my rational

weekends are boring,
i cant go out cos i feel mad guilty afterwards,
i cant stay home cos i wont be doing anything except:
lolling around,watching tv,playing com etc.etc.etc...
either ways,weekends always make me feel like i shld bang my head on the wall!>:(
weekends always feels like a waste on me,
i made plans to do blah blah blah,
but i always nv finish them T.T
PLS DRAG ME OUT FOR GRP STUDIES,ANYONE?
I PROMISE I WILL GO ALTHOUGH IM LAZYYYYY,
SHLD HAVE JUST WENT TO THE ONE IVAN TEXTED ME ABT THE LAST TIME!>:(
(i was lazy the last time:P)

went out for a walk with lucky together with Epwl,
hahas,we stay so close but we never met for 8 months?
thats what he told me,idk,i alr lost track of time :P
we walked to idk where,but according to him,its bangkit,
total time we walked ard was one hour plus,HAHA,mad exercise!
hahas,im a road idiot,and i mean super bad kind!:P
he was worried i cant even get home when my hse is
across the road plus a few blocks down-.-,
okay,im a road idiot,but at least i stayed here for 10 yrs kay?!
and i proved i made it home,if not,i wont be blogging here,
i would be wondering in the streets!;D
(btw,i sent him home,cos usually its the other way round and i wanna check out the place)
and wth,we were comparing facilities,
how can his block be so colourful,convenient plus have vending machine?!
HAHA,he still wanted to show off his hse downstairs have playground,
HAHA,I ALSO GOT,SHOWOFF!!!!;D
shld get him to tutor me physics,
he said he and his sister was ms neo's top student last time,
gonna bug and beg him to take me out studying!!;D

-Although i cant,i still did and you still stayed nonchalent,pls teach me how you did that-

Friday, July 9, 2010

Bad things in society

Today went for lunch after school,
walked to bpp w Beimin, xinyi and xinyao,
(never will i do that again,i almost melted T.T)
sad to say,
saw some inconsiderate ppl,
probably the ones slamming the names of teenagers being,well..

INCONSIDERATE

those ppl were hogging the chairs with their bags,
like hello?!ppl need the seats and both of you put both bags on each chair,
2 ppl hog 4 chairs?
2 chairs for each one of your bag?!
cant you put them on one chair?!
super tempted to take down the pic to put on stomp!>:(

guess where those selfish ppl come from?!
the school starts with a letter A
(wth,they were wearing uniform somemore!-.-)
i guess its easy to guess where those selfish ppl come from!

-btw,xinyi asked me to blog abt this,hahax!!;D-
ok,im gonna continue doing what im supposed to do,my F&N!!:P

Thursday, July 8, 2010

More than i need

~My dream home~

My "teddy"bank who is weeping cos its broke and left with pathetic $2,
i have to treat ms xinyao to lunch tmr,HAHA!<3

The sweet my tuition teacher brought from shanghai,
cow prints~lol,she had some duck's neck sweet,
she said it is made of real duck's neck?O.O
its really expensive?O.O
(btw,i didnt take that!)

feel so scammed-.-
thought there was chemistry test,POA test,chinese o'level oral today,
turns out there was only chinese o'level oral,
although lucky but my mind was crammed with all 3,
felt so wasted like i should have just studied chinese..
sigh,oh well~
chinese today went rather well,
at least i dont regret much,
i only regret not using those long long sentences i memorised,
but good enough for me to fulfil 3 reasons,3 consequences and 4 methods of improving,
and some random questions and things asked by the teacher,
(gosh,they are really nice)
well,overall i'm satisfied w myself,actually,quite happy too~
but i screwed the passage first paragraph cos i was too nervous luhhh,sheesh!
but its okay to be nervous,shows how impt it is to me ;D
topic is 青少年伤害自己?smth like that ;D

nice environment the library has and we all had a great time and laugh like mad
(secretttttt~;D whee whee wheeeeeeeeeeeeee~)
whenever im nervous,i blabber like maddddd,
so right after the test,i started ringing ppl up,
first,i rang up ms wang xinyao,my teacher in oral,
thanks to her for helping me yesterday on the phone
and comforting me not to be nervous!;D
(i'm treating her to lunch tmr!;D)
than i rang up xinyi,
hahas,she said i was madddd,well,what do you expect?
i have been tolerating silence for a few hours,of cos madddd~;D
lastly,i rang up yiro and we talked abt the oral and how blanked out we were,
and most of our conversation was "YA LOR YA LOR!!!!"
hahas,exams makes ppl freak out like maddddd~
we talked on the phone for like 45 mins plus,HAHA
my longest record is 2hrs plus,45 mins plus is crazy,
especially since i was the one who dialed with my handphone..-.-
im gonna have to pay for my phone bills again,hahax~

had maths tuition,
i blabbered non-stop to my tuition teacher and she told me some stories,
and inspiring things,
she said i still have hope,
not stupid,just careless...
that makes me feel better,HAHA!;D

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Am i pathetic to you?

YEEP!!
went to dig up some of my things,
like my journal to teacher in primary school,
OMG >_<
somethings shld be said and somethings shld not!!!
i soooooooo wanna dig up a hole and hide now,
(i always say this when i wanna be a escapist)
but seriously!!
somethings inside were cute,
but others just made me...
just...JUST...JUST JUST JUST...EEEEEPPPP!!!
imma blabbermouth,til now i have no idea why i did that..-.-
and i totally forgot for a moment why i was doing this,
but the journal woke me up and told me the sense in achievement i havent felt for ages,
and i really wanna go for it now...in search of that joy again!;D
so anyway,good and bad stuffs of the journal,
but it made me rmb some of the times i had,my ambitions and why i held on to them..
and the times where everyone was so innocent and truthful that i kinda miss it,
now you cant really tell what ppl are hiding in them,
kinda sad right?):
(anyway i dont rmb some names i wrote in the book?:P)

yeesh,
my phone didnt let me assess it..):
(heh heh because i press code stuff and press a series of nonsensical no.)

-i must be that pathetic to be pitied-